Editor's Note: The Lost Art of Listening
As a new mom, everything has changed. Everything. I love every second of it, though it’s not always easy. Especially, through a pandemic, riots, presidential elections, and the list goes on. There is one thing that I definitely did not think would happen - I would become a better listener. What I ‘thought’ before having a child, was yes, of course, I would become more instinctual and know what to do because, well, I would just know as a mother. Yeah, not the case. The instinctual part, perhaps. It becomes magnified even, in fact almost domineering (at least for me). Yet even more so, is the intense realization of listening. Listening is at its primal state. Here I was thinking I was a ‘good listener’ because I was a teacher, a coach, a communicator, a successful sales rep, a traveler, and a writer. And then boom! I realized, through being a mom, the lost art of listening was real.
Many of us listen to the voices in our heads, our minds, our hearts, and sadly, way too much from society, but very few of us listen to our bodies. Like actually listen. My daughter's only way of communication is through emotions, physical motions, and then crying (when she cries my heart literally cries and I want to do everything in my power to ease her). My listening skills have become less about me and more about tuning in and actually listening; paying attention, and quieting my thoughts for her. This has not been easy, in fact, I’ve cried; I have thought to myself I wasn’t enough, I wasn’t doing it right, and listening to everyone else’s opinions. I stopped. I stopped shooting myself down and definitely stopped taking in other people’s opinions and started to listen.
The Lost Art of Listening to Our Bodies
Our bodies are the exact same way. We are the parents of our bodies. When we don’t listen, it produces emotions, physical ailments, and, well, it actually cries to us. Manifesting in pain or discomfort. It is constantly sending us messages that we overlook or brush off. Why? Why do we not parent our bodies like we do our babies? If we have dark circles under our eyes or chapped lips, our body is telling us to slow down, rest, and stay hydrated. If we have bloating or constipation, why do we continue to eat and drink the very same things that make us have digestive issues?
Most of us ignore our bodies' messages until it gets to a point of being unbearable, and that’s when we blame our genetics or go to the doctor’s just to be thrown on a medication that has numerous side effects or get an operation that could have been prevented. Or, like me as a mom at 37, wondering why my bones ache or why am I getting dizzy - it was because I was eating enough, moreover not eating enough healthier foods like complex carbs or dark leafy greens. Especially since I breastfeed my daughter, it has become more and more evident how I was not listening to my body’s signals. I wasn’t being a great parent to it. Now, of course, my attention and focus is on growing this beautiful little human to her highest, and healthiest self, yet if her mom isn’t at her optimal, healthiest self - am I really being my best?
Here is the deal - food really affects us. It makes us happy or sad, bloated or refreshed, energized or lethargic, or changes our whole mood altogether. In any relationship dynamic, you may have realized your ‘food mood’ (we won’t even talk about no sleep, that’s a whole other serious topic) and how it affects your response to someone. For example, low blood sugar + dumb comment = wanting to punch them in the face? A bit aggressive sure, but all of sudden you eat or better yet, they bring you food and all of sudden they are the best humans in the world (even if they’re not)!
I mean this goes deep into how we listen to people as well…
The Lost Art of Listening to Others
It is very rare to have a conversation with someone who actually listens to what you are saying, without interruption, without judgment, or thinking what to say next. I remember I was talking to someone about a very significant matter that was in relation to them, and mid discussion, grabbed their phone to look at it and then said, ‘how was the meal?’ I looked at them in disbelief and pointed out the issue and reconciled. However, I feel like this is our world. One lost art of listening after another. Perhaps, if you are reading this article, take a moment and think about how you personally would like to be treated or heard or if you let an issue slide because it would cause a fight?
We are all starving to be really listened to and have that connection. If your own self is suffering, from a lack of you listening to it - you and those around you will be affected. Whether you are a parent, a partner, a friend, a daughter, a son, what have you…try to listen. Listen to yourself and listen to them. Healing occurs when this happens. It occurs when we hear the profound messages that come through to us and from those around us, from our bodies, and from our food. I have learned through parenting (always learning, not perfect all the time, and put the effort in every day to be better), to put all my thoughts about myself out of my head and be there for my daughter. Which in fact, has played the very real part of being there for myself, unapologetically.